Monday, September 06, 2004
16th day. I still cant pluck you out of my ribs. I Love You. Does he know?
In front of everybody, yes. I shouted, I smiled, I joked, I played.. I seemed happy and alright. But sadly, it was only a broken smile that I had. U've been trying my best to be happy for thiis 2 weeks and 2 days. I had been, trying VERY hard to. All the smiles that I had were smoke screens to tell I'm strong. The smile didnt come from the inside. I'm left with 1/2 a soul, 1/2 a heart and with eyes that keep producing water. Zzz. Last night online, Benson talked to me and slapped me with hurting and jue words. UNDERSTANDING me is not by asking me to forget him. It's impossible and it shows that you all dont know me. Yes, he dun love me anymore. Yes, he dun care about me anymore. I die, I sick, is none of his business. But it doesnt mean that I've to forget him? If only I could, I would. But how? I tired flying without wings. But I fell. Then you all still ask me try again. Each time I tried to hate him, I love him. Yes, life is unfair to me. Good things dun stay by me for long. I'd rather lose my basketball skills than losing him. For him, I'm willing to give my basketball up. I really do. Yes, it doesnt worth giving up the whole forest for just a tree. But you dunoe how this tree meant for me. I'd rather spend my life living in this tree than to look after the other trees. I love this tree a lot and never will I care about other trees. I never did. Just why cant he understand that I'm for real and really do love him a lor? Is giving me a chance very hard? Yes, you dun love me anymore, but I can help you find back the love that we once had. I've never been this seriously in love with anybody. We had A1 for chemistry and minds click for future plans. I love him so much and I ended up living in agony, living in misery. I've been sicked and virus infected since we broke. Things will go for the better? Wy carry on life without me? I need you. I really do.... I love you.